my blankie
Thursday, January 26, 2006
I won't be able to sleep tonight!!! My blankie is in the washing machine!! How to sleep?!Okay. My blankie is this huge red piece of cloth..and it has been with me since forever. It's so old that it's almost split right down at the centre..as in there is a tear so deep that my blankie is almost two!! (like an amoeba)Seeing that it's so lan..my mom persuaded me to dump it..Of course cannot right?? So I whine and whine..Then she so damn good can?? Help me sew it..like stitch it back to become one so that she can wash it!!! For the entire afternoon!!(it smells...like me..therefore it's nice-smelling)THANK YOU MOMMY!!!!Wahahahaha..I'm so blessed!she even offered me her own blankie!!! (and yup, i'm using it..because I can't sleep without one)Anyway..she can share with my dad!! *wink*hahaha..i think I sound so kiddy here..writing about my blankie..Oh yeah..and 4e4..please turn up at 5!! I booked already!!
11:58:00 PM
old friends
Ever wonder why we need friends? I mean, besides not being an outcast/loser/loner, why do human beings desire companionship? Why can't we just, you know, live alone..by ourselves and ...alone. Like a leopard(other than when mating season begins)!But I guess humans are more like elephants.You know..they eat together, sleep together, bathe together, protect one another..and even mourn for one another when they die. We are social creatures..(duh!) But I was just wondering how a person will turn out if he/she doesn't have any of those..companionship I mean, not the bathing together part. Will that person become a nutcase? Because obviously, if you have no one to turn to or just to be with..something has got to be massively wrong. And eventually..you turn out all wrong. But if there's such a person, who's not a single friend, I'll like to meet him/her one day to, you know...exchange our experience. Actually the point of this entry is not about loneliness..hahaha,,I was just crapping. My main objective is to say that I'm grateful for all my lover-ly friends!! Be it old childhood friends, friends whom I've just known this past month and even friends whom I've not contacted since p6! (I'm thankful you let me into your life again..) I just get this warm fuzzy feeling when I know that there are people who genuinely cares and not judge me based on stuff they heard. And I'm grateful for all the listening ears too!! Oh..and Qin for crapping with me..I crap, she bear...hahahah..Even though, sometimes...actually most of the time, I don't contact my friends..as in I don't really take the initiative to call or to msg..they are always in my heart. And the memories..(all that my memory space can store, that is)..are priceless. Some not so pleasant memories..But they only served as strengthen-ers..the bolts and screws that keeps the bridge together. You get me right?yeah..so to all my friends, I'm grateful for y'all!!!! And to everyone, treasure your friendships!!Because your friends are the ones who will be there for you!
1:27:00 AM
deadbeat
Monday, January 23, 2006
How come no one from 4e4 online??!! Okay..that's not the point of this entry. The point of this entry..well...is that, there's no point! Right. Just crapping..Tutorials are starting and homework is starting to stream in!! I.am.not.used.to.it. Seriously! I mean, after what, 2++ months of non-existant homework and all fun, my studious self(if there was any in the first place) would still be on vacation to...pluto. Anyway, despite all the whining about work..I still think SA is pretty slack in comparision to other JCs..And I'm thankful for that. Ha..And TOUCH RUGBY!! It's fun okay!! Although we had to run 8 rounds (=3.2KM) around the track, the game was really..fun!! Serious lack of vocab here..but well..FUN is a useful word. This is fun. That is fun. You are fun. I am fun. We are all FUN!!!Oh..oh..and I might just be able to pon cross country this wednesday! Because lousy me pulled right thigh muscle..Sob..Right. Pon is so wrong. Miss..or unable to participate in this annual event. Unfortunately, of course. Wells, there's always next year!Romanis GO!!! Win!!wahahahahahahahahahahaha....4 more freaking days!!!
11:41:00 PM
insecurities.marriage.life.
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Many a times, I've thought of why I'm so indifferent. Why I can just brush off comments with a shrug..Well..I think I've just come up with an answer. I'm insecure.It's true..Because of my sense of insecurity, I tend to be extremely self consious and aware of what others might say about me. I have low self-esteem and often put others as higher importance than myself. Meaning to say, I have higher regard for others. Which is bad..terrible in fact. Anyone would ask, what kind of life do you lead, taking everyone's thoughts and comments about you? But it's true! I just have this...thing in me that ignites my sense of obligation to unimaginable extents. So, for many years, I lived my life as an obedient puppet. Always heeding people's advice and leaning towards their worthy opinion. Until one day..something snapped. The sense of obligation just vanished in an instant. I can't really remember the specific incident..But it should be significant enough to cause such a huge impact right? From then on, I no longer felt the need to accomodate to others request and wants. If i didn't feel like doing it, I just reject them straight in the face. No more yes girl. Hello independent woman.And, I realised (much to my joy) that what others say should not and will not (in time to come) affect my mental being..So, what better way to build up my ego(from scratch) than to block out all negative stuff which I deem un-beneficial to my well-being. Hence, the indifferent-ness..Because as time went by, I learnt not to be easily aggrevated and ignore whatever that tries to break my optimism. To some people, my way of dealing stuff may be cowardice. Well, you could say I'm escaping rather than confronting the problem upright and feeling better there and then. I say, why bother? Waste your energy and time trying to set everything right when you can simply just carry on with much more important stuff at hand. It is stuff like these that distract us from our happy path. Trying to create a thunderstorm on a bright cheery day. Let's say...You hear some rumours about yourself. Like...erm..you screw around. Then, if you choose to find the source so that you can snip the bud, you spend all your time and energy finding the person who spreaded the rumour. To add to that, you'll most likely be pissed, if not..extremely concerned about your reputation and you'll be worrying the whole time if others will 'zi zi dian dian' you..That's just tramatising your brain cells, getting so worked up and all. And what do you get in the end? Few million dying brain cells with the rumour going stronger..because how are you going to stop a rumour with your own power? People will most probably assume the rumour true the more you try to make it seem not. If you ignore it, not unlike myself, the rumour will sooner or later die down and no one will be interested to bring it up again. Plus, you still have that few million innocent brain cells working for you. And, you will still remain psychologically sound. right?My point is, I'm indifferent not because I'm born with it..the skill of ignoring is developed over a period of time to enable me to survive. Hmm..why do I sound like I'm defending myself? I mean, nothing happened in recent times that evoked my fingers to type all this. I was just wondering how come I can be so calm and well..indifferent when I hear negative atuff about myself. I'm not saying I never get pissed off and I'm all holy. No... I do get mad here and there. But I'll get over it very soon. Usually, that's the case. Unless it's a problem with my close friends or my daddy..hahaha..Wells..I think my indifferent-ness also contributed to my 'stoning' ability. Like, I'll just go into stoning mode...whenever..hahaha..I'm sorry to anyone whom I might have offended with my 'stoning'. Like..make them seem boring because I'm not actively involved. I'm just..in my world, nothing to do with the unattractive stuff.Hmm..I've also been wondering why I'm so very afraid of getting married. It is a long time ahead from where I am..but i can't help imagining the kind of life I'd lead. How could I still be loving and sweet after 2 decades being with the same person? How can our relationship still be exciting and full of wit when reality hits?(finance and children and whatevs..I don't know, I'm not married..I'm just imagining) How can I still look forward to our dinner date when all we see every night is each other? What will happen if we had this big-ass arguement that just won't go away after, say.. a month..More importantly..will our *** still be filled with anticipation and satisfaction? I mean..after child-birth..figures go and men start to roam elsewhere..OKay..that was so wrong of me to be saying it..anyway..as I was saying..marriage is scary!Of course there is always the other side of things. In this case, a better..much better side. Both of us will be closer bringing up our children, going overseas alone(you know what I mean)..he'll still be as romantic as he was the first day he courted me and I'll still feel the strong love for him.Imagine...at 60, watching a disney animated movie..munching on M&Ms and stuffing ourselves with ben&jerry's chocolate cookie chip dough..feeding each other with no regard of others. Whispering sweet-nothings, teasing and playing as if we were teens again. aww..that would be the best. That's why I love seeing old couples..old LOVING couples. You know those holding-hands-and-strolling-along-the-beach-with-the-sunset-as-backdrop kind of old loving couples? I simply adore seeing them and always imagine myself(or hope) to be like that. But then..I'd always remind myself that not all is smooth in a relationship that long. So I conclude..problems between is a must for any relationship. Only then can people be closer and bonds be tighter. Okay. I think I'm starting to sound like a worry-wort. well..I am. Which reminds me..O levels results!!All the best to everyone!!
3:18:00 AM
Friday, January 20, 2006
NOTE TO ALL: Due to fatigue and mainly laziness, the owner of this blog has decided to abandon her blog. Readers, please note that that this site will be closed down anytime next week. So don't be alarmed by this insignificant blogicide.
Okay, I know not very funny...But, try to see it as well..funny. This is for Jo ok..I mean the entry. For the past week, I've been coming home like late..and seeing that I'm still trying to get used to commuting to and fro school and home, I just want to plop myself onto my welcoming bed after dinner everyday. Hence the lack of posts..Hmm..I would like to take this chance to apologise to everyone who had to put up with my ignorance and blur-ness.. I may appear ditzy to some, but I really don't wish to. Most people have to bear with repeating everything they'd said at least thrice to me...and sooner or later, they just give up trying to tell me anything..Friend: eh..you all want to go walk on that suspension bridge?Me: Har?? What did you say??Friend: Walk on suspension bridge...(still quite understanding, knowing me..)Me: Huh?? I can't hear you clearly..play bridge?Friend: No..walk on the suspension bridge.Me: Play french horn?! Why?? Where? You want to play? You know how to play meh?Friend: (with bloodshot eyes and fingers that seemed like they want to squeeze the life out of me) WALK. THE. SUSPENSION. BRIDGE!!!!Me: orh...okay lor..By this point of time, everyone is exasperated and no longer have the mood to do anything else except to shake their heads. most of the time, this shaking-of-head action implies "aiyo..are you deaf or what?!PAthetic la..hopeless case..actually quite pitiful, suspension bridge can become french horn.."No la, my friends are good to me and will never outcast me just because I have this illness.Is just that I realise It's really hard on them to keep explaining and repeating stuff for my sake. And, I just realised the seriousness of this 'illness' this week. believe or not, I would have walked right into the cubicle of the gents..(public one!!) if not for Indra..you know what's weird? I didn't even find it funny seeing guys come out form the gents..Or maybe, my thought process was so slow that the infomation couldn't reach my brain (then legs) in time. Imagine how pai seh I was when the toilet attendant ask Indra if I was a guy or girl! cannot tell meh?? I had a pony tail and was wearing school skirt!So yeah, a big SORRY to everyone (especially Qin, Jo, Jess and Jeen) who had to put up with me. I can't guarantee that I'll be any less blur though....well..but now you know I'm apologetic right?Sis: we are going to farrer park..Me: Har?? We are going to fall apart?!P.S. For more of my incredible translation, please contact Qin..she's planning to compile all the words into a 'dictionary' which will definitely come in handy to anyone who wishes not to die talking to me.
5:24:00 PM
Saturday, January 14, 2006
The sun is out!After 40 days and 40 nights of non-stop rain, (well, it seemed like 40d40n!) I'm finally out of hibernation + depression. If you are wondering why there are no posts recently, it's because I was too upset (because of the non-existance of sunshine) and did not felt like blogging. Besides that, I'm in a class with a moronic person whom is simply not worthy of further description/space here. Anyway, I hope I like my class in the future...before that I must get to know them better..WHy do we have to split as an OG??!!! It's just too bad that we bonded well enough for me to feel like no other group is better than OG3..enough talk about my misery!!!Went back to XMS on thursday. And gosh...I really miss the school! The place and the teachers. I miss walking along the 3rd level corridor. I miss standing outside our class, stoning/people watching. I miss our classroom and all of it's deco(which is now gone with nothing in replacement). I miss walking to the canteen with my buds every break and sitting at the coffeeshop-like table crapping until the queues are short enough for us to buy lunch. I miss Mrs Lee's lessons! I miss Miss Ng's undying care and lame stuff and her company whenever we do stuff as a class. I even miss the guys who play table-tennis at the back of our class whenever there's a break! The feeling of being at a second home just isn't there anymore. Oh, there is, however, still a piece of 4e4 that still remains untouched in the school premises..OUR 3E4/4E4 HOMECOMING BANNER!!! I'm going to bring it home one day and hang it up in my bedroom. By the way, 502 of 2006, you all are super lucky and fortunate to have Miss Ng as your form teacher! Treasure her okay!Thinking about 4e4 reminds me of how much I enjoyed being in such a wonderful class with such amazing teachers. Damn..that's just adding to my dismay!!! (because I don't like my cg!!) Sigh.I shall not let an insignificant organism destroy my spirit!
8:49:00 AM
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
ElizabethtownHaiz..the movie was a huge disappointment! I'm not a huge fan of Kirsten Dunst or 'pretty' Bloom..But, I thought it'll be a romantic comedy!!!! I mean, it's supposed to be one right? And, half the time, I don't get what the movie was trying to convey! Like..the lines are so wierd? Do people say such wierd stuff? "I know, you are not the one.." (they then proceed to kiss passionately) The other half of the time, the movie isn't even about their relationship, how their romance blossomed...it was more about Drew's dad..and his road trip. Wadevs.But I did learn something from the movie.. NOT TO TAKE THINGS FOR GRANTED. I have to say..I'm terribly guilty of that. Like Drew only realised how much he'd missed out when his father died. How they can never drive through US.of.A like they had planned, and basically spending time with his family. That, I shall say now, is one of my greatest sin. Taking things for granted as if they will always be there for me. Shall think of a few examples. I spend rather un-wisely. Knowing that my parents will always supply me with more if I'm really in 'desperate' need of ka-chings..I don't spend as much time as I should with my family because I assume that there is always tomorrow and they will always be there..Put it straightforward-ly, I don't think I treasure the complete loving family I have now. I leave things til the last minute because I assume that there will always be enough time. I don't love my sister enough..because I think that there are always future opportunities when I can shower her with more love..what else?I don't appreciate my education when millions of kids around the world can't get a decent pre-school one? Nah..I do appreciate my chance at getting a good education and I love SAJC! Primarily because I had and am still having great fun with my OG. Like Qin, I can't get the college sound out of my head! And the cheers kept me at a constant high. (when I have nothing better to do la..)And the above examples are just a few of what I'm guilty of. My point is, from now on, I'm going to treasure every moment spent with my family and friends. Cherish every little bit of priviledge I have and learn to be more gracious. Wait. What was I talking about initially? Right. Elizabethtown..Oh, but the music was awesome!! Really awesome!! I want the soundtrack!!!Next up will be 'Memoirs of a Geisha'!!!! And 'In her shoes'!! And 'The Dark'!!! And... No more money.. Shouldn't I be spending less money?(not taking things for granted)
12:18:00 AM
orientation
Sunday, January 08, 2006
It's a un-sunny sunday!! Sundays are supposed to be sunny!! Because it's SUNday!!!Why is it raining(cats and dogs)??!! I hate the rain..and it's been going on and on since last night?! How can the clouds hold so much rain? I mean.. Rain also can't rain for 12 hours straight right?! It doesn't make sense man..once the clouds emptied itself of water droplets, there will be no more rain.. And there will be no more rain for the next few days or so because it takes time for the whole process(evaporation..transpiration..condensation..precipitation.) be complete..then only can it rain again! BUT!! There's no sun and stuff, how come there's replacement of clouds?! Like.how come the rain is never ending??ARGH!!!!!! I don't like the rain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Orientation's over.. and lectures begin.Oh well, when the fun ends, it is serious business. I can't wait for Oreintation 2!!!! Five whole days!
2:48:00 PM
first day of school in sajc
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!I'm so high now, I can't stop saying this..." SO FUN!!!"Okay, remember the time when I said I wasn't very positive about starting all over again? Well, it seems like I'm really worrying for nothing. Seriously, the ice-breaker games were alright but I think the OGL was great. Not fantabulous, but really great...and OG 3, I think we rawk!! Hmm..the only think that I don't quite understand..or rather, like, is the fact that the guys are very very shy and quiet.. Save for a few like samuel and joshua and clayton..hahaha..Other than that, I think we bonded pretty well and we can definitely be tighter. I'm sure we will. Then again, a lot of peeps from my OG is taking Lit. as one of their H2.. Which leaves me being the odd one out because I'd most probably take Geo, History, and Econ..Yup..pure arts..Do you think it's alright to take pure arts and maths as H1??Because as far as I know, the arts courses in uni do not require 'A' level math...'O' level add. math is enough. The only arts course that requires math at H2 is accountancy.. And I don't think I'm going to take up accounts. Besides that, I totally suck at math..so yeah..But, history and geo is a really heavy combination..And I don't know if i can handle it. Oh well, I've got until friday to decide. Meanwhile, I shall enjoy myself during these four days of orientation! Cheering, bonding and hunting for eye-candies!! Honestly, the good-looking guys in SA surpass the ones in..my alma mater..Oops..Oh yeah, and the canteen food, SUDAP!!! really..but a bit pricey. Maybe just not used to it..The food is really good. I'm so contented and fortunate!!
How was your first day in JC?
4:45:00 PM
happy new year!
Sunday, January 01, 2006
HAPPY NEW YEAR!! IT'S 2006 BABY!!!Right, just partied (as in held a party, not clubbing kind of party) all night..til 3+. Haven't slept yet..Can't get to sleep, so now, I'm still up! Still wrapping my head around the new year. Have to get used to it I guess. Have to get used to waking up early and not being able to just cross the street for school. Man, that sucks.Oh well, the sky is blue and I love my boo..Err...it's supposed to be rhyming..I guess my poetic skills suck too..2005 had been a really good year for me. Sure, there were times when I could not possibly have felt blue-er.. times when I was pressurised by external and, I dare say unnecessary, forces. Example? Countless arguements with qin and my lover-ly pop.. Self-imposed stress to excel..But well, the up-s definitely cancelled out the downs and made everything balanced, if not better!And the greatest thing I've gain in 2005, I'm sure, is the bond with 4e4 and my dear friends(Jess, Jo, Jeen, Qin..) And I sure hope that we are able to keep it this way for as long as we live! Of course, not attending lessons with the boleggers will suck big time...and the feeling of being a class isn't there anymore..but, we'll always be the supreme class which ruled XMS!! KEEP IN CONTACT!!
Aww..I'm starting to miss them..
As for my new year resolution?
I hope to fulfil my role as a filial daughter and play my part as a student to my very best.
Haha..I wish I'm able to keep my words, because well, I haven't been handling stuff very well this year. Especially this year, I'd say. But hey, no lessons will be learnt without mistakes. Somebody has got to make them. It just happened to be me. So..I hope I'll improve on that.
Anyway, to anyone who's reading this..
HAVE A GREAT YEAR AHEAD! HAPPY NEW YEAR ONCE AGAIN!
p.s. try to keep to your new year resolutions?
6:43:00 AM
